My relationship with my husband always seemed really strong, until one night his mobile bleeped and there was a personal message from 'Emma' who used to work with him. I also learned he's been sent a porno story from an old girlfriend, and is always using an online community site, where he talks only with women.

At Christmas, he joined a dating agency - I joined too to view his profile and was horrified to discover he'd put that he was trapped in a marriage from hell. I confronted him and he said he'd only done it to catch me out.

I love him so much, but it's becoming more like possession - he's awakened a jealousy in me that I can't control. He denies having had cyber-sex, but because he has lied before, I don't trust him. What can I do?

answer

Your basic problem is that you don't trust your husband, but it seems that there is little to trust. He's joined an online dating agency and clearly stated that he wants out of a marriage that he describes as 'hell'. The bottom line is not that he may be messing about on the net - it's that he's no longer committed to you or your relationship.

Don't even bother trying to catch him out being unfaithful. You are only doing that because you want to know what state your marriage is in - but the state of your marriage is all too clear; it's on the brink of disaster. Your husband's not just cheating and lying, he's looking for a way out.

If you want to keep him, then you need to have a serious heart-to- heart, not about his Internet play, but about the way he feels and thinks about your relationship. It won't be easy, and it won't be good news as he may say some things that will hurt you. If you can get him to acknowledge that he's unhappy then that will be a good start, and if you can get him to agree to work on the marriage, that will be a major step forward. Get the two of you into counselling and things could improve dramatically.

If, however, your husband won't admit there's a problem, or doesn't want to get help for that problem, then the news isn't so good. In this case, visit a counsellor on your own for support (www.relate.org.uk). Because, hard though it is to hear, you may well need that support as I strongly suspect that your marriage has not got long to run.

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Sex on the net - is it cheating?